All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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