every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My pussy is not your playground.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
