Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
