And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
