I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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