woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
