Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
