Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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