...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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