The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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