Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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