just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
