yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
