my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
