things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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