Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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