Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
