Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
