I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
