Have you finally orgasmed yet?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
