yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
