Ambien. No doubt about it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
