so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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