he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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