we're blogging at a bar
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
