you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
