My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
