Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Is it because I queefed?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Randomize
