we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
third nipple confirmed
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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