He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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