Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
