Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
