Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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