I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
