if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
