i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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