He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
