Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
