She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
