After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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