I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
