Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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