There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
