i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
