Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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