you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
