Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
