the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
