you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
