Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
